22 July 2004

Hmmm, first night without Quang... S!@$&!* ^$@#*&!!!!!

No Meg either! For crying out loud! What is going on?

This week I have made the decision to get serious about my climbing. Yes I know some of you just splurted your coffee over your screens, and had words like obsessed freak spring to mind, but what I mean is treat my climbing like a serious sport. You see, I only climb opnce a week on average and do not do any other training designed to help me improve. This is unusual for me; when I was involved in kayaking I trained 5 times per week in the gym, and 4-5 times on the water. But the Old Gimpster has been a little slack with his climbing and has decided to see just what training could do. The point of this declaration? Well, today I devised the climbing calculator currently on the home page, and challenged my fellow Sand-Baggers to also try it out. Tom took me up on the challenge and I must say I was stuffed at the end of the night's climbing!

As I was psyching myself up for an assault on my project climb some CLOWN decided tickle me under the arms! Wondering who would be such an Ass I spun around to give them a mouthful and who should I see but Boz! "Hey Boz... are you climbing?"

"Of course, why else would I be here?" He replied as if he hadn't been away from climbing at all.

"Right-o."

Boz did climb as though he had been away from climbing for a long time though... a very long time. I mean, what a crap performance! He goes away to have reconstructive shoulder surgery, returns to climbing, dislocates his shoulder again, has a full reconstruction and then can't climb a 14 clean after only two years of time off from serious climbing! What a girl! I bet he prances around in those body-hugging lycra zoot-suits all day!

As we watched Boz climb Tom and I reflected on the fact that climbing and sex are quite similar: The longer it is since the last time, the quicker you get blown!

Oh, Marky Mark was out climbing tonight too! He climbed last week as well. Time away from climbing has only affected Mark a little though, he is climbing the house down! Tonight he climbed a ... I can't do it...resisting urge to flame...Mark climbed... really...must behave...ohalright!Ican'thandleit!HeclimbedlikeSHITtoo! Sorry, I tried to resist my Gimply ways, but they just wouldn't stay subdued! It has been so long since I have given Mark a hard time, I just couldn't hold it in! Actually that probably wasn't fair, he was actually not bad for someone who hasn't climbed a lot, but what interest would there be in reporting the truth?

Andy climbed with Boz, and so he looked pretty impressive, while Matt climbed with Mark, so his climbing looked impressive too (for once).

 

22 July 2004

Interesting night tonight, first night back from Moonarie and after being so pumped up about her climbing, it was a no-show from the Feral! No Meg! Bushfire lighter!

It was also the last time we will see Quang out climbing on a Thursday night because he has a TAFE course to go to! WTF? For those of you who do not know, TAFE offers things like pottery classes! Bloody hell, I skip Uni lectures to climb if I have to! Okay, so Quang will just have to put up with the tag "King Softcock BushfireLighter!"

Oh, by the way, when can we go outdoors to use your new cams Quang?

Well, we had fun climbing tonight; a few weeks ago Tom suggested an eliminate problem at the gym which involved using only the holds on a climb requiring the use of features (ledges and other features cut into the wall) and it turned out to be a ripper! Well, this week we tried all of the climbs on the same wall using ONLY holds, and not permitting even the use of elbows, feet etc. on the wall as leverage. It was great! There were some fantastic moves, including tricky high steps which forced you to think about how not to lean on the wall, and a great series of laybacks! Good fun!

Additionally a new climb appeared in place of a rather stupid problem graded 24 that I just couldn't be bothered with. Reminiscent of the routes we used to get at Acme Climbing Gym, this problem (also 24) included an "Iron Cross" move that was brilliant! Much better than the original. I'll have to send Andy up it next week!

15 July 2004

What a bunch of firelighters! Just because we are going to Moonarie tomorrow, Tom and Meg decide not to climb tonight! So what if you have jobs and don't have any other time to get ready for the trip! Call in sick it used to work for me!

As for Andy......SOFTCOCK! Where were you? Hmmmm?

Well, Quang, Gimp Jr and Gimp climbed anyway.

Seein g as I am writing this about three weeks after the fact I have no idea what we did, but I am sure that I was pulling some pretty freaky shit, impressing the hell out of everyone like I always do. Heh heh.

The thing that really sticks in my mind though is that when we ordered our extra extra extra hot Kuay Teow, Quang super duper extra extra extra hot! I have never seen him sweat so much! It was pretty damned funny! He had to order a lassi (a yoghurt drink, not a dog) to help cool his mouth.

8 July 2004

Distance from Town to Climbing Gym: 18km

Distance from Climbing Gym back to town: 18km

Distance from Town all the way back to Climbing Gym, this time with your wallet and climbing card: 18km

Distance from Climbing Gym to Hawkers Corner: 20km

Distance from Hawkers Corner all the way home to Harvey's place: probably about 30km.

Total Kilometres travelled by Matt just to go climbing tonight: 94km.

Next time take your wallet etc with you in the first instance Harvey, it's cheaper!

When Matt finally did arrive he was greeted by the sight of The Gimp doing what he does best: kneeling down in front of Quang with his hands on the front of Quang's harness and the "rope" in his teeth!

I was just checking that his harness was done up and knot tied properly, honest!

Tom, who was buzzing from the Guarana Chocolate Bar he had just eaten ( with about 100 times the RDI of caffeine - enough to kill a horse) sent Quang up a particularly tricky climb graded 18 with a technical finish. Now before I report on my comments as he struggled on the last move I  want you all to first understand that Edna (Quang) has decided to become the greatest Bushfire Lighter of them all by taking on a TAFE course with lectures on Thursday nights and will not be climbing on Thursdays for the next three months, so I need to get three months worth of abuse done in two weeks. So this is what I said: "Quang, before you try to do that move you should probably do something else first..... lose 20 kilo's!" hmmmm I was going to try to defend myself, but when I look at it in writing it's not that nice is it? Okay I'll take the rap, I owe you a beer for that one Quang.

Megan and Tom have been shopping. Apparently they have finally caught on to the subtle hints like: "Oh it's okay, why don't you just use some of our gear?" and have finally bought some gear to add to the rack - 6 quickdraws. Megan also has her own gonad to play with now, and she has already noticed how much of a difference having one makes to your climbing! As Matt said, there's nothing like having your own gonad to grab while climbing to get you up. He should know, his wife is currently 700km away!

Andy reliably informed me that new harness, chalkbag, screwgate and gonad made all the difference for Miriam, she got up everything she tied into tonight, including onsighting a grade 16. JennyBob also managed to climb her project 17 route clean tonight, so well done. You go girl! (To get the full effect of that last comment you need to imagine that I am waggling my head, weigh 200kg and am wearing sexy lingerie while appearing on Ricky Lake).

There are some people with dirty minds at the gym too! I was in the process of asking Matt if he had any photos of himself climbing to post in the gallery, but when I got to the "have you got any photos of yourself..." part, everyone in the immediate vicinity looked in our direction with great interest! Now I'm not sure if that is an indication of what people expect me to say, or how sexy Harvey is. For those still interested, matt says that yes he does, and you can find them by doing a Google search using the keywords "small shrivelled prepubescent"

Tom, keen to find out if the wiregate quickdraws he and Meg bought really are as strong as the standard ones decided to lead a tricky 18 and found out. Yep, he fell, and guess what? It turns out they are as strong! Interesting method for finding out Tom. Gump under the influence of caffeine, a bit like giving young Adolf Hitler books by Nietsche to read.

I am starting to worry about the wisdom of living a long way from one's wife... Harvey recalled the time when he was working in the Climbing gym in Wagga Wagga and a group of locals asked if they could use the facility to take some photos for their calendar. Once the okay was given and things were set up it turned out they were group of gay (not that there's anything wrong with that) locals that is, for their nude calendar!

Tonight's climbing also saw the advent of the next big thing in competitive climbing: Climbing next to someone else and trying to be the first one up the wall by pulling the other climber off of the holds! The concept may have worked too, alas, Tom still under the influence of caffeine dropped a "Daisy Cutter" near the top robbing Harvey of any oxygen and the game was over. Unfortunately, while Tom made frantic motions to Quang to lower him out of the strike zone, I couldn't quite hear what Matt was screaming at me and so he had to hang in space breathing the foulest air imaginable for quite a while. Sorry Matt.

As we discussed who was going to Arapiles next week reasons for not going were given by those unable to make it. Of course any reasons were challenged as to their validity. Andy claimed that having a young child and another on the way coupled with an impending trip away for work made it impossible for him to get away. Quang also pleaded the "I've got to look after a child too" ploy.

"Wait a minute, you don't have any kids!" Came the challenge.

"Yes I do, Angela is just like a child." - Quang

"Oh that's got to be posted" - Andy

Sorry Quang, but you were asking for trouble with that statement!

Finally, Quang, Tom and Megan have all decided to start running a few times a week to become a little leaner and meaner for climbing. My prediction for who is going to lose the most weight? Well, you can't include Tom in this competition, he is already built like a greyhound and only agreed because he was under the influence of caffeine (seriously he would have agreed to anything) so my prediction?

Megan.

Quang might have the best of intentions, but he is male. Men just don't have what it takes to lose weight when compared to women who by comparison take the dieting thing a lot more seriously. Evidence? Less than an hour after making the decision we are at Hawkers Corner and Quang is tucking into his Kuay Teow, while Megan was much more committed having immediately developed Anorexia Nervosa - she didn't eat a thing!

Sleep well Tom, the caffeine should wear off by about 5am.

 

1 July 2004

STOPPRESSSTOPPRESSSTOPPRESSSTOPPRESSSTOPPRESSSTOPPRESSSTOPPRESS

How could I have forgotten?! First climb tonight, and Quang starts to go up a warm up route (the first of twenty - he likes to be warmed up well and truly before climbing seriously. Maybe one day we will climb long enough in one hit to see just what he can do before we have to leave) and after two moves lets go of the wall. At this point I notice that his harness has come undone! Aunty Edna forgot to double back his harness! Well that's what he says.... I suspect that there might be only so much strain that a doubled back buckle can hold and once the weight is too great maybe it will pull through.

On the serious side, let this be a reminder to everyone to check your partner's harness, knots, everything. Although this is presented in a jovial manner, it could have been serious.

We now return to normal programming.

At least there were a few of us out tonight, it's getting a bit thin on the ground lately, but Meg, Tom, Quang, Mike and Adam were out climbing tonight.

An interesting thing to note however was the fact that despite having just bought a brand new rope, Quang has decided on two occasion now not to bring it! We wouldn't want to get it dirty would we? OHHH NO! Not Quang's rope.

"But I'm not leading at the moment"

"And yet you bought a rope?"

Hmmm, I think that this is very close to a Nailclipper award, too precious to bring his rope out in case the nasty climbers get it all dirty! Click here to vote, does Quang deserve the Nailclipper award?

Tom climbed well, almost getting up the overhung grade 23 route, with only one move giving him any problems, and it looks like he will link it all together very soon. I am going to have to think of something nasty to say real soon, because he is getting too good. Even beating him up the day before didn't seem to slow the bugger down!

Meg is getting a little frustrated in her efforts to conquer her project route, a nice little 17 with some technical moves that make it no easy feat to get up clean. I have seen plenty of people fail on that route. Cheer up Miriam, nothing worthwhile is easy. The Earth is slow, but the Ox is patient! When you are able to take the stone from my hand... sorry got a bit mystic there.

Quang climbed using the ropes provided by the gym, and true to his word, did not lead. I'm not sure what Quang climbed, I think he had some fun on the new 17 (going on 20) that Mike Sandbagged me on two weeks ago.

Mike made me run laps on the lead roof (admittedly only two) until my poor skinny little arms couldn't hold onto anything so that I consequently kept falling off a simple route that was apparently overgraded at 21, causing me to receive some advice from someone who had just climbed it and wanted to help with some friendly advice. But gee it was nice to feel completely blown! I haven't felt so stuffed in ages! I think that's what I need, some more endurance work.

Meanwhile, Mike showed off by leading the roof three times, all clean, and to really rub salt into the wounds, still had the energy to then confirm what a lame-ass I am by climbing the route that was graded 21 that I kept falling off, and upheld my suspicions that it was overgraded!

So, then off to Hawkers where I ordered extra-extra hot Kuay Teow for Quang and I, normal for Meg, and hot Pad Siew Iew for Tom. What actually came out was extra-extra hot for all! sorry guys! I am sure it was rings of fire all round Friday morning!

PS Bushfire lighter Harvey! Just because you were either moving your wife over to Adelaide, or banging something other than walls is no excuse.

  June <<<