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News Just to Hand
You may have been wondering what has happened to the "Nutty Professor" Ivor. Why has he not been climbing lately? Well, our sources have revealed that Ivor was involved in an accident recently which resulted in him breaking one of the bones in his hand in what is known in the Sports Medicine World as a 'Boxer's Fracture.'
Apparently the accident occurred during an attempt at jamming.
So, what was he jamming? Barad Dur (22)? Anatexis (21)? Golgotha (17)?
Nope, apparently it was Strawberry (500g) and he was attempting to "jam" a slice of bread! Yes, that's right, the Nutty Professor managed to break his hand by dropping a jar of jam on his hand while drunk!
Apparently he was at the crux move (attempting to pick up the jar), when his grip slipped and the terrible accident occurred.
Interestingly, it seems as though having a Black Belt in Karate has not really strengthened his hands one bit! Maybe Ivor should have progressed on from bashing his hands into fairy floss to something a little harder, like maybe jelly to increase his strength.
Only Ivor.
Saturday 27 March 2004-03-28
Back to the rock
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Quang and Adam met at the Morialta car park and headed down to Far Crag at 11.30am. Excited at the prospect of climbing on real rock again they quickly geared up and climbed Sheoak Corner as a warm up. Adam completed the route as a “lead solo,” climbing the route with a rope and gear, but placing no pro for the entire route. Quang promptly followed him up, enjoying being able to climb as second without having the drawback of removing anything. (I like to climb light heh heh). Unfortunately, the heat of the sun had begun to bake us and we discussed the possibility of finding shadier routes.
Hearing climbing Superman Brandon and Ellie over at The Crag That Shall Not Be Named (namely Thorn Buttress – D’oh I just named it!) and noting that it was well shaded, we decided that maybe we should head over and find out what climbs His Highness and the First Lady recommended. Soon after, Brandon and Ellie arrived at Far Crag on their way home after having been climbing since 8am and recommended we try Terrathea, an apparently lovely grade 18 route with natural pro.
With great trepidation and the chilling memory of our last attempts to get over to Thorn Buttress still playing strongly on our fears we set off. Flashbacks, a blur of Blackberry thorns and masses of Inch Ants biting me almost had me curled up in a whimpering ball on many occasions, but digging deep I forced myself on. Every now and then I noticed the look of fear in Quang’s eyes as we made a couple of wrong turns in our search for the path and the Blackberries loomed large in our path, but he also pressed on. Then, when things looked as though they could not get any worse and we were almost beaten into submission by the thorny masses defending the Buttress, the path opened up before us; Beautiful it was, shining and glowing and free of Blackberries. We had found The Hallowed path and the denizens of evil; the Blackberries and Inch Ants shrank back from us. At the end of the path Thorn Buttress waited for us, cool and protected from the harsh burning sun, offering us the shade and protection we sought.
Finding Terrathea, we decided that it was worth an attempt and Adam began the ascent. Graded 18, the route was not going to give in easily, with an overhanging and poorly protected start. Terrathea turned out to be a fantastic route, with a great and exposed “Cliff-hanger” option at the top. Quang followed me up the route, and we sat at the top savouring the onsight climb for several minutes.
Apparently we were then abducted by aliens. I don’t remember anything, and my bum wasn’t sore (but they may have been gentle) but somehow by the time we had abseiled to the base it was 3.00pm! Only two climbs in three and a half hours?! How the heck could that have happened? It only took me about 5 minutes to climb Sheoak Corner, and Quang was about the same. I was not more than half an hour climbing Terrathea, and neither was Quang. Allowing a generous hour for setting up (which is very generous indeed) still leaves us with an hour unaccounted for. What had happened? Maybe the walk to Thorn Buttress was not as smooth along the path as we had imagined! Had something happened to us that was so horrible that we had blocked the experience? We will probably never know.
Moving back over to Far Crag Quang decided that today would be the day he would climb his nemesis: Shewoodenduit. Alas it was not to be. Gallantly throwing himself at the start of the route time after time, Quang was finally forced to admit defeat. It seems that the tribulations of the trip to Thorn Buttress had taken their toll, and Quang was once again denied his goal. “At this point he decided to send up the Gimp.” Not sure whether to solo Shewoodenduit, or lead Barad Dur, Adam decided to gear up and attempt the finger crack of Barad Dur, knowing that jamming his fingers into cracks was not his strength. It was a mighty siege that Adam laid at the three quarter mark of the route, with several attempts being made to pass the left handed ring-finger jam. The main problem, apart from being seriously blown out was that I could not remove my finger from the crack to enable me to progress up the route; each time I tried to progress, I was unable to get my hand out of the damned crack and had to back off. Finally I found myself moving up and able to free my left hand, allowing me to clip my next piece and progress up the route and after much screaming and gnashing of teeth I found myself at the top of Barad Dur. “Yay” I thought to myself as I puffed and panted in a quivering heap at the top, not exactly embodying the image of the all-conquering macho climber who has tamed the mountain, but I’ll take it. Quang once again threw himself valiantly at the shared start of Shewoodenduit and Barad Dur, but alas! The exertions of the day prevented him from progressing up the route, on that note we decided to call it a day and headed to the Tower Hotel for a celebratory pint of Pale Ale.
25 March 2004
Thursday 25 March 2004
Back to the gym L
Well, it had to happen sooner or later; tonight was the first night back at the gym due to insufficient light out at the crag.
The Gimp was there first and climbed with Ellie for a while, before Aunty Edna, Doctor Nick, Gump and Sideshow Bob arrived.
Tom, obviously bitten by the lead climbing bug decided to open with a lead of a grade 20 climb with Megan (Sideshow Bob) belaying. After clipping the first bolt, Tom ran into some difficulty clipping the awkward second bolt, warned Megan (who had been anchored down) that he was in trouble with a quick “whoops” before decking out from about two and a half metres. Nice one Gump! On the next attempt, Tom managed to break his fall with the rope, earning himself a lovely rope burn on his leg before finally hauling himself to the top. As Tom approached the top of the climb, Megan confided to me: “I don’t actually know how to bring him down with one of these” (an ATC).
After bringing Tom back to earth in relatively one piece, Megan decided to try her first ever lead. Adam (that’s me J) showed her how to clip the gates, and she was off. Now, the impressive thing is that Megan’s average limit grade is about 15, and her first ever lead was a 14! No fear, just climb Jenny climb! They told me to climb it, so I did, it was no big deal really. Gump and Jenny really are just like peas and carrots.
Tom tried his hand at the lead roof, and did a pretty good job getting halfway before blowing out. Somewhere along the way he also managed to get a big lump on his knee too. God, wouldn’t it have been a pain in the ass being his mum? “Mum! I’ve cut my finger! Mum! I’ve fallen off my bike while riding it on the roof and cut my arm off on the fence! Muum! I’ve accidentally driven the car into the top of the apricot tree, and It’s fallen onto Jess! Muuum! Sorry for dropping the fridge onto your pillow while you were sleeping! Muuuum! I accidentally declared Nuclear War on Korea!
Adam led the roof as well, and with the help of a few sits, got to within touching distance of the last hold, but his poor little non-gym-accustomed hands would not hold on any longer.
Quang got a “Mike Hilan Tour” of the gym, which entails climbing established routes while Mike calls up to you saying that certain holds are eliminated from the route. Thus a 14 becomes a 21 with some really funky moves, or a 12 becomes a grade 22 reach-fest. (Mike is tall)
Stewy stood around looking suave and sophisticated, and may have actually climbed something, but I never actually witnessed him do anything. Oh sure he kept singing the praises of his Dominators for edging on those thin holds, but I can’t verify whether or not he actually used them. (Note: I may be stretching the truth here as I seem to vaguely recall belaying him on the lead roof, but the bugger never made it to the top, so it doesn’t count anyway)
Finally we went and did what Tom does best, eat. Seriously I think he is the next step in the evolutionary chain. He seems to have been able to do away with a separate oesophagus and trachea, and combined the two. I can think of no other way that he could possibly inhale food so quickly and efficiently. Either that or he is not descended from primates, but seagulls!
Saturday, we climb outdoors! Yay!!!!!!!!!!! Where I will give leading Barad Dur a go, and Quang will probably knock over an old foe: Shewoodenduit.
Birthday Wishes: Happy Birthday to Boz who turns 45 today. Despite the fact that Boz still can't climb because of his shoulder, the rest of us did. Bloody hell, I'm not going to miss climbing just because someone else is a girl and won't climb with a bad shoulder!